Lots of things are making me feel this way, and there's not a lot I can do about them. Financially, we are struggling to say the least. Mr F-G-S spent a few months in 2011 unemployed, and just over a year ago the company he was working for then went bankrupt, owing him about £4k. So although he now has a steady job, it's bringing in less money than we're used to and we're still catching up from the time he wasn't working. He's actually working two jobs at the moment - his regular one during the day and as a delivery driver a couple of evenings a week. He's asked for more shifts at his second job which means that while he's earning more money he's also not around in the evenings to help with the kids and so that I can go running. I am not going to make my goal of completing Couch to 5k by my birthday, which makes me want to give up altogether. It also means I don't get to see him in the evenings. Which actually isn't a bad thing because we are getting on each others nerves.... But having no money means I can't get the kids to their activities and see my friends too - so a lack of adult company is driving me mad! The only time I get out of the house is to take Ollie to school, and when he's not at school he and his brother are constantly fighting. Seriously yesterday I felt like just looking myself in the bathroom and just letting them fight to the death.
Food wise, I'm generally making good choices. Porridge made with water for breakfast, soup for lunch and a dinner of under 10pp, plus my 2l of water means I have leeway to have a few sensible snacks during the day. But sensible doesn't mean two pork pies and a packet of crisps... I don't even know why I'm stuffing my face like this. I got a pack of crisps from the cupboard the other day, then said to myself that I didn't need them and that I was better than that and put them back. Only to grab them an hour later and have them anyway. Urgh.
Also, for some reason my birthday is a source of impending gloom. I'm turning 30 on Feb 1st and for some reason I am dreading it. I really don't know why, I've never been one to worry about birthdays or getting old but I'm really not looking forward to it. I'm sure part of it is the fact that we wont be doing anything to celebrate it, again due to the money issue. A night out plus babysitter is just too expensive, and we don't have any family close enough to help out.
I need to shake up my workout, I'm bored of Zumba, much as I love it, and I feel like Wii fit isn't doing as much as it could do. It just isn't inspiring me to get on with it. Ideally I would love to get to the gym or a class, but again childcare and cost is an issue. I have a couple of DVDs that I would like to get into again, but we don't have a remote for our DVD player and I can't get past the first menu LOL. I've tried following some videos online but my screen is too small and my eyesight is not up to squinting while I jump around!
- Stalk Freecycle for a DVD player/exercise DVDs
- Walk with the buggy while Ollie is at school
- Stop eating like a greedy dog and being a whiny little bitch!
- Use the time I have in the evenings to do something for myself.
- Get out of the house more, although to what I don't know...
I feel like I need a good slap to get me out of this mood. Someone needs to take me by the shoulders and shake me! I went on Pinterest last night and found some workouts I can do at home, and am going to try this one in addition to whatever else I can manage.
I also have pinned the next 3 levels, join me on Pinterest here. If you want to join just ask and I'll send you an invite.
This weekend I am going to stick to a very simple diet - fruit, veggies, low fat dairy and fish - avoid carbs as much as possible and generally eat cleaner in the hopes that a detox of sorts will make me feel better. And knock off the pounds... Now I just need some motivation....